More than just “Single.”

So many people don’t feel “whole” without a significant other. Or feel that being single is just the husband/wife “waiting period.” Or that this is the time where I have to get my shit together, THEN The One will magically appear. Or, unless I get love from another person, I don’t feel worthy of love at all.

There are so many reasons people don’t embrace the single stage in life. Personally, I have always thought this was a transitional period that would eventually lead to marriage. This was my “bride prep” course and if I don’t ace it, I’m destined to be a single spinster. That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself.  The funny thing is, I was never that girl who dreamed about her wedding or whose only goal was to get a husband with 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. I never “needed a man” (that’s a whole other blog post in itself). The problem here is that society sends the message that if I am not married, I can not be fully satisfied. Well, why the heck not? 

(searchquotes.com)
(searchquotes.com)

I’ve honestly never thought to embrace this time in my life simply for what it is. I’ve never thought to be fully present. I have certain freedoms now that I could never have after being married.

“Singleness isn’t training ground for ‘real life.’ It is real life, right now—and it’s time to start living it” (Ashlee Alley, 5 Things I’ve Learned as a Single Person).

Are you looking for a relationship to fulfill you? To fiiiiinally make you happy? This thought process is setting up unrealistic expectations that will inevitably lead to failure. No man or woman can fill those shoes. No spouse can be held accountable for your constant, unwavering happiness. Don’t just jump into a relationship because you’re fearful of being single.

Julie Delpy (searchquotes.com)
Julie Delpy (searchquotes.com)


You always see those quotes that say something like, “I’m single because I wont settle” or “I’m single because I’m waiting for what I deserve!” Or better yet, “Being single is better than being in an unfaithful relationship.” Are these REALLY my only options? I am single because I wont settle (and am waiting for someone to date), I “deserve” better (seems totally selfless, right?), or every man is a cheating bastard. Those prospects sound pretty grim. Why can’t being single just be what it is? Why do we have to defend it and make excuses for being single? Here’s the kicker, “If you aren’t happy being single, you’ll NEVER be happy in a relationship.” What the heck does that even mean?? So if I convince myself that I am happy being single, I am only doing that so that I can get in to a relationship? That’s a bit contradictory…

If you are single right now and hating it, ask yourself “why?” Why do you need a bf/gf to feel happy? What do you expect that person to bring into a relationship? What can you be doing at this point in your life to make yourself happy?

Go do something exciting! Go travel, go skydiving, buy a dog… Just do something instead of moping around. Get involved in an organization or take a cooking class. There are a myriad of different paths one could take to attain happiness. Don’t put on horse blinders that limit your vision, allowing you to only see one possible path. And don’t think that at the end awaits this mystery man or woman who holds a key to your eternal happiness.

That, my friend, will only hold you back.

With all that said, relationships and marriage can be beautiful and loving and worth it. But being single can be too.

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