I am so happy to have the amazing Jim Rooney as a guest blogger this month. He is Chief Bottle Washer at “What Makes Us MEN“- a movement that shines a light on what true, authentic Manhood is and what it isn’t. Jim is a dynamic speaker, loving coach, and gifted healer. At only 30 years young, he endeavors to use all the platforms at his disposal to get the message of real masculinity out to all who have ears to hear! Men, take notes.
Hello My Sisters from other misters,
You know that guy? The one who seems SO much like he’s mister “right” but he keeps turning out to be mister “wrong”? I wanted to help you see why this is. Don’t thank me just yet, you might REALLY not like what I have to say…
Here is why the dude you want is not as flashy as the dude you think you want.
You were taught as a little girl growing up in our culture that boys were going to like you because you are a raving hottie. He doesn’t care about your brains, strengths, weaknesses, education, family ties or loving capability. Nope, he will decide ultimately whether he wants to be with you based on your hotness. Not only that, but that ONE day, this “prince charming” of sorts is going to bust in on his steed, carry you off, and ride you into a sunset. This scene will end with: “And they lived happily ever after” . This culture also taught you that if it doesn’t make you look like a stone cold fox, or attract “prince charming” you shouldn’t spend any more time on it.
This “prince charming” should have 3 things according to that same culture. First, he should be big, strong and fast. Does he dominate other men in the intramural basketball/indoor soccer arena? Great! Does he perhaps model underpants? This is best.
Second, he should know how to please you in the bedroom. I’m not going to talk about this, but this means that he should have probably practiced with a number of other “princesses” before you. This is just insurance that he is virile and can give you all the babies your heart might desire. Even though you hate the thought of him with other women, it is a price you have to pay when you need historical proof! Can this stud sow his oats? Even if there is no reproductive proof, can he at least get the dance moves right?
Third, he should have enough money to make sure that your life will have the most important necessities. He must have the dough to provide not just for your safety and your security, but also for your comfort. No comfort, no happiness! (Chanted in best mock Braveheart voice).
So this guy, that you were taught to look for, has to be FLASHY. He’s gotta know how to promote himself enough to draw all the attention onto himself. This way you will notice him and he will notice you in all your glorious hotness!
So what’s the problem? Why is this not the guy you really want? Let me repeat a sentence that captures it: “He’s gotta know how to promote himself enough to draw all the attention onto himself.” He is SO practiced at this, that he has not developed the very muscle that will make your relationship grow. He has not learned or practiced how to think of anything OTHER than himself. He has not learned to think of you and what you need. Your needs are different than his. He can speak in grunts only. You need words. He can live purely on rational thought. You need feelings. He can be alone for days and LOVE it. You need company.
In short, with all his flash, he has nothing underneath it to support a relationship. He has never had to practice putting someone else’s wants and needs first. This is the farthest thing from flashy. It actually means he has to be out of the spotlight so you can be in it.
Don’t be distracted! The flashiness will draw your eyes, it will capture your heart. Yet when push comes to shove, is he “others centered” or does he just focus on himself? Is he kind to others because that’s who he is or because he is trying to impress you? Does he spend so much time polishing his car that he forgets to restore his soul? Does he lift so much in the gym that his emotions become anemic? Does he stand for others first or does he manipulate others into standing for him? Does he make you feel like the only beauty he needs or does he keep driving you to become more beautiful to keep him? Does he have drinking buddies or does he have friends? Does he stand against the things in your life that push you down or is he the one doing the pushing?
The man you want isn’t flashy. Not at his heart. He is humble. He wants what is best for you. He is a workaday man. His habits aren’t the sexiest. He has staying power, and not always in the bedroom. He loves consistently. He does not ask you to shut down your feelings so he doesn’t have to feel his. He loves your “flash” more than he needs for his to be seen. He loves dealing with the dirt so you can look shiny. He loves the woman at his side more than he loves his rep.
He loves you.
You were taught to look for the flash. Don’t. Look for the steady love. This is truly What Makes Us MEN and it is that which will truly make your heart come alive for a long, long time.