Circus Freak or Saint?

Tease. Prude. The Virgin. Whore. Naive. Heart-breaker. The Good Girl. Serial Dater. Bible Thumper.

These are all things I have been called: by men, by friends, by family, by strangers.

I am saying this to show you how one’s sexuality can cause others to assume certain things that aren’t necessarily true.

If I make out with a guy that I met recently then I’m a whore. But if I flirt without putting out, I’m a tease. I don’t care about [or for] these false labels, but they exist.

REAL conversation I had with a man in a bar this week:

Norwegian: I think I’m in love with you
Me: I guarantee that you’re not
Norway: No, really I am
Me: What’s my name?
Norway: I don’t remember
Me: This isn’t a good start (I begin to walk away)
Norway: (He chases after me) Can I at least have a kiss good night?
Me: Definitely not, I just met you.
Norway: Pleeeease?
Me: No! Why would I kiss you?
Norway: Because I’m never gonna see you again
Me: That’s funny, because that’s my exact reasoning for NOT kissing you
Norway: You’re a bi*#h (he mumbles as he retreats)

My stance on purity has been quite a topic lately. Well, lets be real, its been quite a topic my whole life…


At a party about five years ago I was approached by two men that I had never met before in my life. The first words out of Jackass #1’s mouth? “Are you the girl that’s a virgin?” Oh, hey! Yeah, nice to meet you too. I’d love to talk to you, a stranger, about my sexuality in the middle of a crowded room.

Obviously I am not ashamed of this as I am posting it for the world to see. But it’d also be nice if people didn’t treat me like I was either a circus freak or a saint. I made this very personal and serious decision when I was 14 because, even at that age, I knew I wanted sex to be with my future husband and him only. I saw the destruction that sexual promiscuity can have. I saw the dangerous power of lust.

With that said, I am a very sexual person. I still have desires and wants and temptations. I can miss what I have never had.

To my future husband: you better be ready, because I have 26 years of pent-up sexual frustration.

The Rebecca St. James & Jacob Fink Wedding (

Last night I went to the Rebecca St. James Peace and Purity Tour at a Oceanside church. She is a gorgeous, Australian-born, Grammy award-winning musical artist and actress. She also saved sex for her wedding day, which happened to be last year. She was 33.

This is such an encouragement to me as it gets harder and harder each year to hold out for “Mr. Right” instead of “Mr. Right Now.” And it remains difficult when people tell me to “just get it over with.” You would think if anyone was going to be jumping up and down about my declaration, it’d be my father. But no, even he thinks it’s naive.


3 thoughts on “Circus Freak or Saint?

  1. Now that I have read your Post beyond your FB message I see that those comments were made 5 years ago. Still it seems many men have remained as immature as they have always been as displayed by Norway at the bar. 🙂 I hope you don’t mind me commenting because I enjoy connecting with your point of view and I hope mine serves only to broaden the perspective.

    My thoughts, after reading over your post, is that its important to remember the journey can be just as important as the destination. At the same time, your reasons for the choices you made at 14, don’t have to remain the strongest factor in your decision now. Let me elaborate. When I was in high school, I too decided to wait until marriage for sex. I was admittedly pretty naive at the time, irrespective of my choice, and in retrospect I am sure I frustrated an old girlfriend without realizing it at the time. In any case I stuck to my commitment until the age of 18 when I thought I had met someone that was worth the wait. It was a mistake. The relationship didn’t last of course. However with that said I would hate to think my future marriage will be less because of it. Quite the opposite I believe that it has given me the opportunity to search for the person God has in mind for me, regardless of their own past, and not be resentful of their own past choices. Now we will have the opportunity grow together and mature together.

    For you, the choice of a 14 year old to remain abstinent until marriage was well intentioned, but based on a 14 year old’s narrow view about the consequences that pre marital sex may have, and the ease of which you would be able to remain abstinent. It is frankly naive to think sex now would flip your world upside down completely, however it is not naive in anyway to continue along the path that you chose for yourself. What you can learn from the struggles, temptations and challenges that are placed in frount of you by sticking to your commitments are lessons that I will never be able to learn because of the choice I made as a teenager, and it will admittedly be a sweet reward for the man you eventually choose to marry.

    If you resent being thrown into the two extreme views of society than just take comfort knowing your perspective is one that very few can claim to share. Give a little smile and remember that sticking to a choice for over a decade shows you have great strength as a woman. Something guys just looking for a little kiss will never be able to share in.


  2. Tyler- your comments are ALWAYS welcome and appreciated. I do not want my opinions to send a message to people who dont share the same views or have made what they think are mistakes in the past that I think they are bad people. As you said, we’ve all made mistakes. I have even made mistakes in the arena of sexual intimacy. And I know those mistakes have made me stronger. The choice I made as 14 was a mature one. With that said, of course I experience more temptation at 25 and it has become increasingly more difficult, but I knew it would. I do, however, disagree with you saying “It is frankly naive to think sex now would flip your world upside down completely.” It would. Sure, I would live. But I know the emotional & spiritual turmoil I would be in if I engaged in sex now before marriage. I am SO content waiting for my wedding night. I do appreciate your encouragement though 🙂

  3. The Norwegian guy just creeped me out. I’m so sick of the labels that people put on each other.

    I wouldn’t see you as a circus freak or saint based on your decision to wait for a husband. Now, if you had a third arm or a magical halo that always floated over your head, that might sway me. 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s