PDA

I am a fan of PDA.

I like a little huggin’ and a little kissin’ when I am with a man in public. But there are boundaries. Well, at least in the US of A…

PDA is a widely practiced hobby here in Italy. I feel like I am constantly watching a couple’s private intimate moment, along with 167 other passerbys. I understand Italy is a romantic place, but is making out on every bridge and in front of every museum on your “to-do” list, or is the only thing on there eachother?

The worst is when I am sitting down trying to enjoy the view and the couple next to me is slow grinding on a bench. The woman is sitting on his lap, facing him. This is the standard PDA position.

It is as if every couple here wants to remind the poor single people how great it is to be in love. (And I want to remind them how great it is to flex my flirting muscles with random strangers.)

As I said, I am not shy when it comes to kissing in public. But I take certain steps to get there. I don’t just jump into a relationship and jump into his lap on a park bench. Even hand-holding is a very specific process and it goes as follows:

1. The Arm Hook. This is safe and chivalrous. The man extends his arm, the woman kindly accepts by linking her arm through his. I love this one because it gives me the chance to feel up his nice strong biceps.

2. The Closed Hand Hold. This is a big step and not everyone makes it, because your hands have to move from chest level, to hip level. This gives the couple a chance to see if their arms are awkward lengths, forcing one person to constantly bend at the elbow, or how to get your hands to fit together like perfect little puzzle pieces.

3. The Interlocking Hand Hold. This is a big deal. Fingers apart and intertwined. Like a Chinese Finger-trap, there is no escaping once you get to this level; you’re locked in. However, the transition from 2 to 3 is a fairly easy one. It’s #2 that’s the doosey.

Once you get to Hand Hold #3 you can start experimenting with a little kissing in public. The rules : No grinding, no reverse lap sitting, no slobber, no groping. Keep in PG… maybe PG-13. But find fun places to sneak a peck. My favorites are the library, grocery store, any ride at any amusement park (upside down would be an interesting feat). I challenge you to find your favorites and to keep the PDA under control, kids.

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