Femme Fatale

There are two types of daters in this world: the serial monogamist and the serial dater (see previous blog post). I have always been the latter. This is how almost all of my “relationships” play out…
1. Boy asks me out
2. We go on 1st date
3. I start self-sabotaging (i.e. He’s too nice, he’s an asshole, talks too much, doesn’t talk enough). You get the idea..
4. If he breaks through my mental minefield and gets another date or 2, it will only be a matter of time before I convince myself I’m bored
5. He changes his Facebook status to ‘it’s complicated’
6. I freak out
7. I distance myself
8. We have “the talk”
9. I move on with emotionless ease [sometimes]
10. He wants to know “what went wrong”

I don’t want to display myself as some sort of maneater, because that’s not the case (nor my intention). I just have a hard time committing, especially to men who are already in Marriage Mode. And I have a hard time finding that happy medium. I’m always dating older men who are ready to settle down or jackasses who just want to score. I like to blame it on my parent’s ugly divorce and the heartbreaks of my youth, but when I break it down, it’s just plain old fear of getting hurt.

A friend once told me, “you’re going to be that girl that never gets married because you’re so unattainable. Every man wants you but nobody can have you.”

At first I took it as some sort of femme fatale-esque compliment, but then I realized that I don’t want to be that girl. Truth be told, I’m not as unbreakable as I appear.

What’s the difference between being unattainable and being picky?


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